Sherry Gaba Psychotherapist and Life Coach


Talking About Addiction: Broaching A Difficult Subject With A Friend
August 25, 2013, 8:40 pm
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Sherry Gaba LCSW, a psychotherapist and life, love and recovery coach, is featured on Celebrity Rehab on VH1. Sherry is the author of  The Law of Sobriety, which uses the Law of Attraction to help people recover from addiction; she is also a contributor to Conscious Entrepreneurs, and to several e-books: Empowerment Manual: Finding Purpose with Intention, Filling the Empty Heart: 5 Keys to Transforming Love Addiction. The e-books Relapse Prevention and Eliminate Limiting Beliefs can be downloaded free of charge at www.sherrygaba.com. Contact Sherry for webinars, teleseminars, coaching packages and speaking engagements. 

Talking to a spouse, partner or child about addiction can be very difficult to say the least. However, in these types of relationships there is already a bond and strong emotional tie that helps to have the conversation even if it is tough to talk about. The same is not always true if you are worried about the behaviors and choices that a friend is making that may be signs of addiction.
 
Basically in this situation you are faced with two choices. The first is to just ignore the behavior or avoid being in situations with the friend where those behaviors are likely to occur. If your friend has a drinking problem you can choose activities that don’t include alcohol or, if she has a shopping addiction problem, you can avoid those trips to the mall. While this solves your problem of how to address the issue, it does nothing to help bring the reality of the behavior into focus for the addict.
 
Your second choice is to sit down and have an honest, meaningful conversation with the friend. This is not the same as an intervention but it may be the first step in getting support. This is not a conversation you want to start without first thinking through what you want to say. You will also want to plan where you have the conversation and find a place that is comfortable for you both. Avoid any situations where the addiction is present and don’t have the conversation if the person is under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
 
By focusing on specifics and not making judgment calls or blaming the individual you can help the conversation stay as calm and informative as possible. Try to stick to:
  • Giving specific information describing changes in behavior since the addiction. This needs to be in non-judgmental language and reflect how these changes are negatively impacting the friend’s life and relationships. This may be particularly important if spouses and children are involved or if their job is at risk.
  • Providing information about how addiction is not a lack of control or willpower but rather a chemically based brain disorder that can be treated and managed. Providing this information is often critical to get the other person to understand you are not finding them at fault.
  • Sharing your heart and your genuine concern for their life, happiness and safety. Most addicts don’t realize that others know they have a problem and sometimes just knowing that others know prompts them to get help.
While talking to a friend about an addiction may be difficult, it can also be life changing. Have information for resources in your community that provide addiction recovery support on hand and make sure your friend gets that information when the conversation ends.
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